Roller-coaster ride.

The first weeks of pantang (confinement) has always been a torture for me. Everytime I think about the recovery process --- the engorgement, the fear of doing number two, the healing of wounds (c-section for the first and vaginal wound for the next two), the seram sejuk nak demam tak demam, restless sleepless nights, roller-coaster emotion --- honestly it scares me more than the labour itself.

Most moms I know say the same thing. Recently I talked to a close relative whose youngest is already 8 but she could still recall in vivid details the horror of early weeks of pantang. Most moms have different set of stories to share but it all will lead to the same conclusion that early days after labour is certainly not a bed of roses. A bed of rose thorn, maybe.

I wrote about post partum depression before on my old blog. It is real. It could happen to any one of us. But physical recovery is another hellish issue altogether. Your recovering body will feel foreign and it will sometimes feel like it is betraying you. What's more with lack of sleep, abstinence of ice cream and iced mocha, minimal fresh air, adjusting to your newborn, aah the whole drill. 

But call me crazy; a precious sweet smelling newborn baby is somewhat worth the ride.

Unconditional.

The husband said this is favouritism sums up in one picture. LOL. 

I don't think any normal parents have only one particular favourite child --- we may have one that we like more at that particular time because he was behaving better, or eats the food we cooked without complaints, or simply because he takes morning naps LOL --- but we love our children equally as much, or as little (depending on the situation). It is just common that the smallest one gets more attention because he needs it more.

When I was pregnant with Noah, it was a bittersweet journey for both me and Hadi. Hadi was already 3 when I finally found the courage for another child, so it's been a while that it was just me and Hadi. I knew things would surely change once he had to share his mommy's love and attention, and even I was not sure I could love another child as much as I love my firstborn. 

Oh boy was I wrong. Your heart is surely made to expand for the love of your children (Children! NOT WIVES!) 

And like I always say, that’s the awesome thing about a mother’s love; there’s always room for more.

Perfectly imperfect.

(This is from my phone notes from September 2, 2017)  

I just saw a video made by a mom with a wheelchair-bound kid. The video tells a story of how one day, two curious kids stared & asked many questions to their mother about her special boy - why can't he walk or talk, why he looks like that etc and after the mother failed to silence them, he brought his boys to meet the special boy to say hi and she awesomely took the opportunity to educate them about special need kids.

The video talks about how moms with special need kids are used to the stares, and comments and whispers because most people are scared to engage with these special kids & the ones who are not scared, sometimes make inappropriate comments. 

Yes Noah gets stared at a lot. He doesn't need a wheelchair yet but a kid lying down doing nothing in a stroller does look a bit odd. Sometimes they are pity stares, sometimes they are loving but sometimes, believe it or not, they are shocked look. I mean come on, do you really live in your perfect little bubble that you never seen a non-typical kid before? Cover your shocked faces, aunties.

If you go to the therapy centers, especially those government-owned ones, you'll see a lot of these non typical kids with their loving family, so loved and cared for. But why do you rarely see these kids in the mall or at the park? This is one of the reasons! People often fear what they don't know. They give you pity stares, they openly show you their shocked faces, they ask private, inappropriate and sometimes judgmental questions (like, "he is 4 and still can't walk?", "ooh why don't you bring him to specialist / therapy/ bomoh or whatsoever?", "have you tried everything?") Sometimes when questions got asked lovingly and I am in the mood to answer, I'll explain shortly but precisely. But when they are unkind remarks, I'd just smile politely while grunting in the inside.

I understand that it is hard to be understanding when you've never been there. You may be sympathetic but you can never truly get it. I understand that I too, could have been one of those inappropriate aunties had I not been blessed with this journey. But community need to be educated and enlightened that there are a lot of special need people around us. And that it is OK to be OK with them and their own special ways.

So I thought it is beautiful what the mother of the two boys did. She educated them that there are people in this world that are born different. That just because there are none in their family, doesn't mean they need to be fearful or judgmental of one. That God made them different. That it is OK to be different. That it is OK to be OK with people who are different. 

It really is OK. We have accepted our fate and Noah's too but we have never ceased hope and prayer. We go to therapies and do everything we can to keep him happy and healthy and to help him thrive in his own non-typical, special ways. And it really is OK.

Ain't no river wide enough.

LOL my blogging mojo came very rapidly and went away just as fast. So random. 

Did you read about the successful Muslim lady who built her $2.3M Shea Terra organic beauty business while homeschooling her kids? Ain't that something? I can't even last more than an hour of teaching my eldest. Even helping him with his school works could sometimes stressed the hell out of me. How did Tammie Umbel do it? Making herself rich while at the same time raising and teaching her kids? That is one extraordinary woman!

But like all things, you just need to have the right attitude, the drive and the willpower to get things done. If you put your mind to it, there ain't no mountain high enough. Wow writing positive affirmations is certainly so much easier than practising them LOL! (But you gotta start somewhere)