Loving beyond whats and whys.

Today my firstborn asked the question again, as Noah was having his home therapy session, "Noah is 5, why isn't he talking and walking and eating like Saif? Saif is just 3." And to that my usual answer would be, "Because Noah is special. But you must always doa for him." 

It really is difficult to explain to an 8 year old, why is his little brother "special"? Why is his little brother different from them? What makes him that way and why? Telling Hadi about his brother's medical condition would be too advanced but to explain it using faith and fate, qada and qadar, would it be too much for his childish mind? I would usually resort to the same old answer, "Allah makes him that way, he is special and we must always love and care for him". It doesn't satisfy Hadi but more often than not, he knows enough not to ask further.  

But I love that this gives him more awareness and empathy. The other day we saw a girl on a wheelchair at the park and Hadi said lovingly, "the girl is special, just like Noah." 

Maybe when you're older, you'd understand, Hadi. That sometimes things you can't change will end up changing you instead. And that sometimes you don't need to question the what and why and just embrace fate with our faith and a pinch of sense of humour. And most importantly, to continue loving unconditionally.  

Little girl with her head in the clouds.

When we first found out our fourth is going to be a girl, I got cold feet. I have three boys! I have never mothered a girl before. This is a whole new curve for me. I was afraid to deal with a girl's mood swings, her drama and temperament, but most importantly I fear that I am unfit to mother a girl.

Yea basically I was fearful. I still am. And this is why. It is because I am a girl myself. I've been there. I have faced the peer pressure, the insecurities, the heartbreak, the ups and downs of being a girl in a man's world. It is a scary big world for a girl and I fear that I am not a good enough role model for her.

But let's do this together, baby girl. Let's grow and be better together. Will we be best friends? I don't know. But I promise I will always be there for you to look up to and fall back on.

Here's our girl, whose name means a Star From Heaven. The whole family is madly in love with her sweet face, tiny feet and all that. 

Welcome to this imperfect world. We've got your back, girl. 

Junior parents.

You can easily spot a first time parents. They usually are the ones who carry an XL diaper bag with all the craps you can imagine for a 2 hour outing. They are the ones who rush to the emergency when their kid fell and scrape his knees, the ones who immediately book a paed appointment when their kid sneezes. They are the ones planning their kid's first birthday party when he has barely turn 8 months. They are the ones who insist on everything organic for their kid's first food. They are the ones who are still trying to do everything by the book; be it Miriam or Spock or Heidi. Their kids wear shiny new clothes and has all the latest toys for brain and motor development.

I should know. I used to be almost all that too. LOL. And then the second one came around and I started to lower my standard for the sake of my own sanity. Then the third one came and now the fourth one and the rest as they say, is history --- hand-me-down toys and clothes, private family-only birthday parties (and by parties I mean balloons and cakes and nothing more), let's put this essential oil and eat the supplement first and see how it goes before going to the doctor, please eat whatever I cook or just grab a cookie, go climb that door grill will you, it's good for your motor skill --- I am more these than the former now. It doesn't mean I love my kids less, it just means I am more experienced and frankly, a little more tired.

And yes, I've given birth to my fourth and she's an angel (what else can you be at age 17 days?) but more on that later. Kisses!

Mother of one, 2011. Spot my XL diaper bag. LOL.