Whatever makes me happy sets you free.

Listen up guys, we women are not that complicated. I mean, maybe some are (I just can’t brain people who claim they hate dramas but create dramas of their own, but that’s for another post maybe) Kau ingat your wife memang suka muram mencuka bila jumpa kau balik dari kerja? Kau ingat memang your girlfriend sejenis merajuk tak tentu hala? Most people, secara fitrahnya tidak sebegitu. Keletihan, kelaparan, kekurangan kasih sayang; are among the most popular factors yang menjadikan perempuan-perempuan dalam hidup kau tidak happy! So what do they need from you? Most normal / borderline-normal women are not that difficult to understand. We may not understand our own emotion / needs sometimes, but mostly what we want in a relationship are simple. And by WE, I mean normal / borderline-normal women; drama queens don’t count. 

SOME ATTENTION. We do not need our men to check on us 24/7 or spend time with us every waking hours of your day, and we especially don’t need our men to meddle in every aspects of our lives. But we do need some attention every day. Maybe a phone call checking whether we have safely arrived home / whether we have eaten / which of our three kids are annoying us the most. A quick brunch / tea break together. An hour of sambang-sembang before bedtime. Because we like (and need) to share about our days, and for SAHM / WFHM especially, we crave that adult conversation that doesn’t involve yelling or cartoons or homework. It is essential for our mental health. 

RESPECT. You don’t have to agree with everything we say, that’d make you boring. But it feels good when you value our opinions and decisions. A good relationship should be a safe place where we can always share our ideas and thoughts without being judged. One should first be respectful to be respected! 

ME TIME. This is especially for us mothers. Some find this selfish but I believe that we have to take care of ourselves for us to be able to take care of others. You cannot pour from an empty jar! Boleh gila tahu tak? For some lucky girls, this may mean tai tai life of coffee with friends followed by a day of pampering at our favourite spa, but for normal everyday women, me time could be as simple as some uninterrupted time for showering / morning coffee / reading / working out / nap; whatever that tickles our fancy. Special shout out to hands-on dads / dads providing helpers for your wives; you guys rock! 

GOOD FOOD. We need food. It differs what kind of food we need. But for most women and mothers especially, good, fancy caffeine will do. And maybe some cake. Lack of sleep and empty tummy is a very dangerous combination. Feed us well and we shall be happy. 

CONVERSATION AND LAUGHTER. Because how can you not stay in love with a man who treats you as his best friend and make you laugh every day? 

You can always add on more materialistic thingamijg like new handbags, winter holiday, head to toe massage, shopping spree etc etc to the list, LOL, but there you have it, our basic necessities in a relationship. The list could of course be more exhaustive for others, because we’re not made from the same mould, but you just can’t go wrong with the one above. We’re mostly not that crazy.

You do you.

Who are better moms: stay at home moms vs working moms. Which is more painful: natural birth vs c-section. Whose kids are happier: moms with messy homes vs moms with neat homes. Which is better: breastfeeding vs formula milk. THIS IS A NEVER ENDING DEBATE! 

Mothers who choose to work is not more superior than those who choose to be at home, just as stay at home mothers are certainly not more holier than those who choose to work. Our lives are different; some people want to, some people have to. YOU DO YOU. 

Any types of birth is painful, unless yeah, HELLO EPIDURAL! It does not make you a better mother just because you went through 36 hours of painful labour and give birth to your baby all natural, pankiller-free and what not. It just make you a woman who was in pain for 36 hours. C-section has its shares of pain as well, oh the recovery is longer! Trust me, I’ve been through both, and believe me when I say all kind of labour and child birth are painful. What matters is your baby shall be delivered healthily, that is all. Other than that, your choice. YOU DO YOU. 

Messy homes do not necessarily equal happy children. Yes you let your kids play and be messy but so do most mothers with clean, organized homes. Or maybe you have a designated play room, lucky you! In my case, my kids will scatter their toys starting from their room to the hall to the side porch. LOL. What’s important is both you and your kids are happy. If you are OK with messy homes, then so be it, let it go let it go. If you’re a neat freak, then it is ok too, good for you! Go clean your house every 15 minutes. YOU DO YOU. 

Breastfeeding has its benefit but it has so many cons as well. Like, well, a baby attached to your boobies isn’t exactly fun, you know? And not everyone has abundance of milk. Not every boobies are the same just as not all babies are the same. If you prefer to breastfeed and you can, do it! It’s good. But if you don’t want to or you can’t, it is OK too! Just make sure your baby is fed. That is the most important bit of raising a child. FED IS BEST. YOU DO YOU. 

Stop this vicious mommy-shaming cycle. Stop this never ending debate. Just do whatever works for you and your family. As long as your kids are happy, well fed, well behave, are not neglected and go to school, I think you’re on the right track, mommies. YOU DO YOU!