Love thyself.

Audrey in The Letdown (have you watched the Australian series on Netflix? I loved it) talked about the polemics of making the right decisions as mothers and women. How “it’s really interrogating why we attach shame to so many decisions that we make as mothers and the role of community, culture and isolation in all of that.” She said this mommy-shaming is “a psycho-social-cultural construct.” 

It’s true. Moms are always shamed, questioned and sometimes ridiculed for the choices they make, especially if it is what some would call selfish. It’s a really vast topic I would like to explore  one day but today I am focusing on loving yourself; taking time out for yourself as your own person / as a couple.

Did you read Vivy Yusof’s post of people DM-ing her, asking how could she leave her kids to have fun and what kind of mother she is yada yada yada. Oh my my, first of all, why do you have so much time on your hand, minding people’s business and all that, where are all those kids you need to be with 24/7? I don’t agree with some people’s choices too but I don’t go around DM-ing strangers expressing my unsolicited opinion. I’ve got my own life to live.

I remember the famous Dr. Fatin Liyana getting the same backlashes when she went on a vacation with her husband, leaving behind her firstborn with the grannies. Some even said, “Ooo I keluar makan pun tak boleh tinggal anak.” Kesianlah, rindulah. The poor blogger doctor was on her holiday and she had to write a post to explain why she chose to leave her! I guess it’s the price you have to pay for being famous but I found it so ridiculous that other mommies cared so much what she chose to do with her life. Go mind your own freaking children!

It’s no brainer that I agree with Vivy that “there is nothing wrong with a mom enjoying her other times – your husband / wife time, girlfriends time, work time, alone time”. If you don’t remember the last time you laugh like you were 20, you need your girls’ day out, girl. If you forget when was the last time you talk to your husband about anything other than your kids, please go on a date night! If you can’t seem to remember who you really are anymore, get yourself a hobby! You deserve all that, mommies. Your partner deserve a happy wife. Your kids deserve a contented mommy.

I love my kids to death and enjoy their company a lot but I love painting with my bedroom door closed, watching Netflix when they are all asleep, working  and reading alone in the peace and quiet of my small office room, going out with my friends once in a while, going on dates with my husband, cycling and movies and coffee, traveling just the two of us. We always had a great time traveling and vacationing with the kids (using the word 'always' very loosely here LOL), but travelling just the two of us is another level of great time. It does wonder to your relationship. 

While all these are great for my sanity and contentment, which helps me be a better mom, if you don’t agree to them, let’s just agree to disagree and mind our own motherhood. I say it always and I’ll say it again, stop mommy shaming! This parenting gig is hard enough. As long as we are all trying our best to raise good people, we’re good. Don't forget to love thyself while you're at it.

Your mom cycles for her sanity and your safety, kids.