To be loved, to be expected.

(This was written on my phone notes last Sunday)

I asked the young lady what time will she be off work and she said 8. I imagined being in her shoes, so young and single, she gets to go home and do whatever her heart pleases; maybe tapau some burger tepi jalan or nasi bungkus with teh ais, go home straight to the couch, watch anything she wants on Netflix, and later sleep uninterruptedly. Ah how carefree her life must be; nobody demanding anything, no little people needing attention.

But later the day I went home to my little people; the two stooges ran out of the house happily to greet us when they saw our car. Spent some time helping the eldest with his homework, gave Noah a massage, watched the TV with Saif while playing with the baby. And I thought to myself; this is not too shabby after all. At the end of the day, all this tiny seemingly insignificant details of our lives, they are what really matters.

“What a miracle it is to have people to come home to every day.

To be loved.

To be expected.

I thought I appreciated every moment, but sitting here in the cold, I know I took it all for granted. And how could I not? Until everything topples, we have no idea what we actually have, how precariously and perfectly it all hangs together.” ― Blake Crouch, Dark Matter

Whatever makes me happy sets you free.

Listen up guys, we women are not that complicated. I mean, maybe some are (I just can’t brain people who claim they hate dramas but create dramas of their own, but that’s for another post maybe) Kau ingat your wife memang suka muram mencuka bila jumpa kau balik dari kerja? Kau ingat memang your girlfriend sejenis merajuk tak tentu hala? Most people, secara fitrahnya tidak sebegitu. Keletihan, kelaparan, kekurangan kasih sayang; are among the most popular factors yang menjadikan perempuan-perempuan dalam hidup kau tidak happy! So what do they need from you? Most normal / borderline-normal women are not that difficult to understand. We may not understand our own emotion / needs sometimes, but mostly what we want in a relationship are simple. And by WE, I mean normal / borderline-normal women; drama queens don’t count. 

SOME ATTENTION. We do not need our men to check on us 24/7 or spend time with us every waking hours of your day, and we especially don’t need our men to meddle in every aspects of our lives. But we do need some attention every day. Maybe a phone call checking whether we have safely arrived home / whether we have eaten / which of our three kids are annoying us the most. A quick brunch / tea break together. An hour of sambang-sembang before bedtime. Because we like (and need) to share about our days, and for SAHM / WFHM especially, we crave that adult conversation that doesn’t involve yelling or cartoons or homework. It is essential for our mental health. 

RESPECT. You don’t have to agree with everything we say, that’d make you boring. But it feels good when you value our opinions and decisions. A good relationship should be a safe place where we can always share our ideas and thoughts without being judged. One should first be respectful to be respected! 

ME TIME. This is especially for us mothers. Some find this selfish but I believe that we have to take care of ourselves for us to be able to take care of others. You cannot pour from an empty jar! Boleh gila tahu tak? For some lucky girls, this may mean tai tai life of coffee with friends followed by a day of pampering at our favourite spa, but for normal everyday women, me time could be as simple as some uninterrupted time for showering / morning coffee / reading / working out / nap; whatever that tickles our fancy. Special shout out to hands-on dads / dads providing helpers for your wives; you guys rock! 

GOOD FOOD. We need food. It differs what kind of food we need. But for most women and mothers especially, good, fancy caffeine will do. And maybe some cake. Lack of sleep and empty tummy is a very dangerous combination. Feed us well and we shall be happy. 

CONVERSATION AND LAUGHTER. Because how can you not stay in love with a man who treats you as his best friend and make you laugh every day? 

You can always add on more materialistic thingamijg like new handbags, winter holiday, head to toe massage, shopping spree etc etc to the list, LOL, but there you have it, our basic necessities in a relationship. The list could of course be more exhaustive for others, because we’re not made from the same mould, but you just can’t go wrong with the one above. We’re mostly not that crazy.

We were just kids when we fell in love.

(Taken from my phone notes, I wrote this after two hours of relaxing prenatal massage courtesy of the husband. I may or may not have been under the influence of euphoria when this was written. LOL)


After almost 10 years of marriage, you can be rest assured that it will never be the same kind of romance when you first started as young kids in love.

It's no longer the kind of romance Ronan Keating sings about in If Tomorrow Never Comes. No longer the butterfly you feel in your tummy on the night of your aqad. You will no longer feel the same excitement and giddiness of your first halal outing together. It’s definitely not the kind rom-coms tell you about. That’s for newbies, dating couples, the newlyweds.

It is different, and much more than that. When you’ve been married for that long, a different kind of romance takes over. It’s accepting each other’s flaws and quirkiness; the freedom to be yourself without fear that your partner will abandon you for your annoying habits. It's letting your spouse has his/her own special time for him/herself. It's the occasional splurge because he/she deserves it after all his/her hard work at work/home. It's choosing to spend your free time with your spouse because you actually enjoy his/her company. It’s being with each other in sickness, unconditionally. The simple everyday surprises; coming home from work earlier than usual, simple text asking about your day, bringing home your favourite food. It's in the everydayness of life; sharing of chores, raising healthy and happy kids together, listening to each others' woes and petty tales, watching your favourite shows together for 10 minutes before you both start snoring because let’s face it, everyday life is tiresome.

It’s surviving and enjoying life together, one day at a time, hand in hand -- some days stumbling and quarrelling and pissing each other off -- but mostly hand in hand; savoring the repetitiveness of everyday life, being there for each other and finding delight in occasional surprises. That too, is romance.

Rose coloured glasses.

Today I was reminded by my Kindred Spirit, one of very few people who knows me best, to stop comparing our lives to others. Everything may seem perfect on social medias, but everyone has their own battle and struggles. “Never compare, recipe for sadness” was her exact words. Ain’t that the truth? 

When I was a little girl growing up, my mother, with purely good intention I believe, always compared me -- my behaviours and achievements -- to my favourite older cousin, who is now a doctor (she’s awesome, by the way, I totally got why my mother wants me to aspire to her). But I remember it making me sad and rebellious even. Comparison is truly, as Mark Twain put it, the death of joy.

Aida Azlin, in one of her many inspiring videos, shared that when she feels jealous of another sister, she will make doa for her and later find a way to collaborate with her on a project. She channels her jealousy positively by deviating the initial negative feeling she had to the most positive act; making doa for others. I tried it this morning and it worked like a charm, trust me. 

And if people’s so-called perfect life on social medias seem to bother us too much, maybe we should take a break from all these distractions and focus on what really make us happy. We are not here to compete with each other anyway; I hope we will all make it, here in dunia and later in akhirat. Hugs!

Small things in a great way.

Yesterday was my youngest boy’s birthday and I was missing my MIL. A lot. Because she has always been there for all my kids’ birthdays, always a good sport. I don’t know many people who have the kind of relationship I had with my MIL. She’s always referring me to people as her daughter instead of daughter in law and she makes me feel like I’m one of her own. I transitioned into her family with ease and this will always remind me of the doa I made in front of the kaabah; I prayed for a good spouse and equally good in laws and alhamdulillah, I got them. 

It has been 9 months without her in our lives and although her spirit is still very much around, sometimes I miss her so much I can’t seem to tell others because I wouldn’t think people would believe and/or understand. After all, I am just the daughter in law. But really, it feels like there is an empty hole in my heart. I really miss having her around. It doesn't help that sometimes I feel like I am filling a huge shoes now that she’s gone and I am the only woman  left anchoring the family. How am I supposed to be positive and all that all the time?! I am just me. 

You know how they say if you cannot do great things, then you must do small things in great way. She is a testament to that. A simple person but is awesome in so many ways. The kind of person who would always rise above the condition she is put in, she radiates positivity and calmness even in chaotic and stressful situation. She has been tested in so many ways but she remained the cool and lovable person through it all. Even her final battle against cancer was fought like a goddess, never complaining, almost always in good mood until one day, Allah decided it’s time for her to go somewhere better, more deserving of her. If you know my MIL personally, you would nod in agreement to everything you have read here and you will now be reminded of her beautiful soul. 

I hope I will have enough good deeds so that one day we may meet again in Jannah. I miss you, Mak. A lot. Al-Fatihah.

Happy wife, happy life.

(This is from my phone notes I wrote back in March. Ever since I abandoned my previous blog, I have been writing a lot in my notes. LOL) 

Yesterday I saw a young mom with her 2 young kids at Klinik Kesihatan. She was radiant and smiling, never snapping at her toddler, always playing with her baby. I thought to myself, this is such a happy mommy. What gives? Then her husband came and her face lit up. Throughout waiting, they talked and laughed and at one point her husband pinched her cheek ever so lovingly. And at that moment I realized, this is why she looks so happy.

It's true you shouldn't build your life around your spouse but it can't be helped, you're in this thing together, anything you do and everything that you are will affect your significant other and vice versa. So yeah, be nice to your spouse. Go home early today and talk and listen to each other. If you've had a stupid fight, just let it go, life's too short to hold petty grudges. Petty, I say, petty! If it's a huge one, go crazy! And laugh. It's so important to laugh together. 

Remember guys, happy wife = happy home = happy kids = happy life. It's no rocket science equation, really.

Trophy wife.

If you have yet to read Siti Hasmah's biography, My Name Is Hasmah, I suggest you pick it up the next chance you get. I have so much love for this book. I urge you to give it a read, you will not be disappointed, I promise. I love her even more so after reading this, if that's possible. 

It helps that the memoir was a light, easy read. In the chapter where she talks about Tun Mahathir, I like that she said, "the key to a good husband and wife relationship is love and fresh air." Her love, respect and dedication to Tun M is apparent even after 61 years of marriage. 

We may not all be a Prime Minister's wife. Her path is surely much different, broader with more challenges along the way, but this memoir is very relatable to us wife / mothers; of daily struggles to juggle career and family, devotion and loyalty to husband and kids, and staying true to ourselves while we're at that. 

An inspiration like no other, an amazing role model for us women.