Of do's and don'ts.

I have graduated from my ‘pantang school’ for about a week or so, although not with flying colours I must say. Since the last time I wrote, I have entered into late thirties, tsskk, my husband and I turned ten, and I have been freed from my confinement period, yeay.

If you adhere to your postnatal confinement strictly, good for you. As a mother of four with three older kids, I cannot afford to do so, for my kids’ sake but mostly for my own sanity. LOL. Seriously, I am sure I'd go crazy. Malay postpartum pantang is good, if done in moderation. I do not agree 100% with the do’s and don’ts, but for most part, it is good. They are designed to help your body heal faster and relax, after having gone through such major transformation and what nots during pregnancy. I do what I can, I choose those pantang larang that I believe in, and that’s that. It helped that both my mother and my late mother in law are very lenient when it comes to this as well, although this time around I was mostly on my own.

I just don’t get it when people start to condemn others who choose not to observe pantang strictly. You don’t want to go out even an inch from the comfort of your house? Then do it your way. I choose to go out for coffee once in a while for my sanity and it helps me be a better, happier mom. We can all do it our way and celebrate our differences. She silang kaki, the other she terbaring lurus. She masak every day for her family’s sake, the other she just lepak watch TV. She carries her older kids, the other she wouldn’t even lift a plate. She basuh her hair, the other she just use dry shampoo. She minum lotsa water for hydration and milk supply, the other she limits her water intake to avoid bloating. As long as your way does not give negative impact to you or your baby, YOU DO YOU.

This I wrote after reading some comments on one celebrity’s social media account. Poor lady couldn’t be left alone, every single thing she does after giving birth was scrutinized. Why silang kaki? Why go out so soon? Why isn’t the baby clothed? Isn’t it too soon for sauna? Is the aircond on? Why are you putting on make-up? Good God, some people can be so penyibuk, I tell you. Do you not have your own family to care for?

I may not observe my pantang strictly to get a distinction but alhamdulillah, I am feeling healthy, I have lost all the weight I gained during pregnancy and I hope to lose more after I resume my cycling, and most importantly, I am feeling good. 

So mommies who just gave birth, choose what is good for you, drink lots of water, eat good pantang food and fruits, get a good masseuse, let the Klinik Kesihatan nurses come over and do their work, and spend your free vacation time to enjoy your baby and your kids; YOU DO YOU, okay? Have fun berpantang!

36 year old mother of four, 48 days postpartum. 

Feeling awesome, alhamdulillah.

Little girl with her head in the clouds.

When we first found out our fourth is going to be a girl, I got cold feet. I have three boys! I have never mothered a girl before. This is a whole new curve for me. I was afraid to deal with a girl's mood swings, her drama and temperament, but most importantly I fear that I am unfit to mother a girl.

Yea basically I was fearful. I still am. And this is why. It is because I am a girl myself. I've been there. I have faced the peer pressure, the insecurities, the heartbreak, the ups and downs of being a girl in a man's world. It is a scary big world for a girl and I fear that I am not a good enough role model for her.

But let's do this together, baby girl. Let's grow and be better together. Will we be best friends? I don't know. But I promise I will always be there for you to look up to and fall back on.

Here's our girl, whose name means a Star From Heaven. The whole family is madly in love with her sweet face, tiny feet and all that. 

Welcome to this imperfect world. We've got your back, girl. 

What's in my hospital bag?

Last weekend I finally got my lazy bum to finish packing for the hospital blind date with the baby in my tummy. Funny how it is my fourth baby and I still had to google on what should I pack for my bag and the baby’s. If you’re a first time mommy, it is better to read up on experienced mommies’ tips and tricks, because not everything that the book says you must pack, you should.

So when is the right time to pack your hospital bag? Basically, if your pregnancy has no medical issues, the ideal time is from maybe the 35^th week of your pregnancy. You can always pack sooner of course, it is totally up to you. But don’t do it past 38^th week, you'd want to have the bag ready for your peace of mind.

HOSPITAL BAG CHECKLIST FOR MOMMIES & BABIES:

I have listed above, the essential stuffs I think you should pack for both you and your baby. You can always add other stuffs for your peace of mind; like the Quran, magazines or novels, aromatherapy if you’re into that stuff, mini fan, snacks and what nots. Hospital stays for vaginal delivery is usually 1-2 days on average but c-section delivery will usually require you to stay longer. So set aside some extra clothing and what not at home, just in case you need to stay at the hospital longer. Because if your spouse is like mine, he will never find any of my stuffs if he had to, even if his life counts on it. LOL. 

Good luck to us delivering soon, mommies!

Blind date.

They say labour is the only blind date where you know you will meet the love of your life. But I was never one of you lucky mommies who had pain-free and/or short labour. All three of mine were painful, and definitely not short. The third one though, maybe because of past experiences, was more bearable and peaceful compared to the first two. 

My first experience was the worst, with Hadi being overdue for 10 days, then I was induced and suffice to say, the pain was the greatest I have ever experienced in my life. After what felt like 34 hours of pain, I asked for epidural and I thanked God for whoever invented it. Oh it didn’t stop there. After maybe an hour or two, I felt the pain again and the anesthetist had to be called in the middle of the night to top up my dosage. Why did my baby hate me so much? (He is obsessed with me now though) After a long non progressing labour, I had to go through an emergency c-section. They had to put me completely to sleep because even after topping up my epi yet again, I could still feel the slice of the knife. LOL. What was wrong with me?! It took me 1 hour to wake up from my “sleep” and the nurse was already getting worried. Then Hadi had wet lung due to the long labour and had to stay in the hospital for 5 days. I guess this is partly the reason it took me many years to finally be ready for the second child. 

Noah’s one was relatively better. But I went to the maternity clinic emergency too early because my contraction was getting worse and I was feeling scared, but the cervix opening was not progressing. It was only 2cm when I arrived but I had to be warded immediately after the midwife saw the CTG result. I had to stay with 7 other mothers in the same ward (it was a full house that night), with ¾ of them basically screaming and cringing and whining in pain the whole night long. Kau dahlah sakit, kau kena dengar orang lain punya sakit, macam nak gila rasanya. I kept going to the toilet for some peace and I remember banging my head on the toilet wall so many times because the labour pain and all the screaming were driving me crazy. Subuh came and I was only 5cm dilated so the husband left for home to freshen up but what do you know, the progress suddenly sped up and by 7 or so, Noah came into this world, via VBAC. 

With Saif, I stayed home at MIL's the whole night even when I was already feeling the painful contraction starting. I timed my contraction using the contraction timer app on my phone, danced and swayed and layan my contraction all by myself in the comfort of familiar, quiet place. It was very painful but at least it was peaceful. Subuh came and I told the husband it was time for us to go to the hospital and by the time we reached there, I was already 7cm dilated. I was already out of energy by the time I was fully dilated because I didn’t have my dinner and breakfast but thankfully all was well. 

I don’t know if it gets better with each labour but I think you could handle your body better, maybe? But pain free has never been in my book although I am really hoping this time around it will be less painful and quicker, oh please Allah let it be fast and fun. 35 more days to go and I am so torn between “Oh God I am so anxious and nervous to go through labour again and be a mother of four” VS “I am so tired yet excited, let’s just get this over with, I can’t wait to see my baby.” Pregnant women emotion is so hay-wire.

SUPER HUGE AND TIRED AND FEELING BLEURGH.

Dear Baby in Mommy’s Tummy

Dear Baby in Mommy’s Tummy,

Reading Elif Shafak’s letter to her unborn daughter inspired me to write one too (you will soon learn that I read a lot, not because I have too, but I actually enjoy it LOL). You are in Week 27 as I am typing this. Elif wrote about some traditional tribes’ belief that babies got to pick their mommies, and she wrote to her daughter, “I don’t know why you ended up picking me out of all the potential mothers in the universe, maybe you are a crazy kind of girl. You find the idea of a perfect mother boring. Or you already know me better than I know myself. Maybe you see the potential in me. Maybe you want to help me overcome my shortcomings. You can be my guide, my best teacher.”

Did you baby? Did you too choose me because you see the potential in me? Did you not know about my shortcomings, my quick temper, my lack of success? Were you not shown footages of me going crazy at your older brothers? Now that you are in my tummy and can hear all sorts of shenanigans I talk about with / shout at your older brothers, are you scared? Do you have a change of mind? I bet you did.

I am not a perfect mommy, kiddo. I am nowhere there. I ain’t that successful or rich or pretty too. At least not yet. But I guess you could say I have an OK heart. And that’s important. More than anything, I want you and your older brothers to have a good heart and strong, unshakable personality. You can learn most of the latter bit, together with wisdom and street smart from your father. He’s awesome. He doesn’t like whiny kids and never change your brothers’ diapers LOL but I don’t mind it at all. He’s a great dad and you’re gonna love him.

Oh are you scared of your big brother Hadi? Yea he likes to shout a lot at home but he’s actually a great kid. He dotes on Noah and Saif in his own special way. I am counting on your big brother here to protect all of you younger cubs, and I know he will, because your parents will not be here forever. I hope you will grow up learning to love and care for Noah the way I do. He will need you, he will need all of us to be his anchor. He is one of our paths to Jannah, always remember that. I know you will be such best friends with Saif because he’s just so much fun to be around. Are you excited to meet your big brothers? I bet you do.

We are excited to meet you too, Baby in my Tummy. Thank you for looking past all my issues and far from perfect self and choosing me to be your mommy. Looking forward to it. But for now, stay put, grow healthily and have fun kicking me from the inside.

Lots of love; Your Imperfect Momma.

Elif Shafak, Black Milk.

Mom of three; what's one more?

As I have joyfully shared on my Instagram, I have been putting on a few kilos, adding some cheeks and nasty pimples to my face, and spotting a baby bump these days. I am overjoyed alhamdulillah. Oh hello Baby #4, insyaAllah.

If you were followers of my previous blog (yes the three of you), you'd know that I struggled with fertility in our early years of marriage. I suffered miscarriage twice and I have always vouched to how it was a very heartbreaking and lonely experience. My pregnancy with my firstborn felt like a miracle and was tended with a lot of care and caution. It helped that I got to sleep as much as my body desired, watched as much TV as I wanted that is not cartoon and not having any little human to worry about. I also ate a lot and transformed into a whale.

It is not the same with every pregnancies. This time around, I crave less sweets which is good for my weight but suffers breakouts and skin issues. And with three handful small boys***, it goes without saying how tired a mommy can be. I don't even know exhaustion anymore. I just go with the flow, take whatever sleep I can get, and drink coffee. Yes I still take my caffeine, please don't judge me.

This was taken yesterday. My eye bags are testament to my lack of beauty sleep.

*** Yes three handful small boys. The eldest and the youngest are a couple of loud Tom & Jerry, eat a lot, most of the time sticky and any long sticks found can be used as weapon against each other. And in between all that, there's homework and revisions for the eldest which always end up with me almost getting a heart attack, there's Noah's therapies, and my obsessive need to cook for the kids every single day. I could have asked the maid, but no, I am crazy. 

But yeah, what's one more, alang-alang dah gila dan letih gila. LOL.