Dear Baby in Mommy’s Tummy

Dear Baby in Mommy’s Tummy,

Reading Elif Shafak’s letter to her unborn daughter inspired me to write one too (you will soon learn that I read a lot, not because I have too, but I actually enjoy it LOL). You are in Week 27 as I am typing this. Elif wrote about some traditional tribes’ belief that babies got to pick their mommies, and she wrote to her daughter, “I don’t know why you ended up picking me out of all the potential mothers in the universe, maybe you are a crazy kind of girl. You find the idea of a perfect mother boring. Or you already know me better than I know myself. Maybe you see the potential in me. Maybe you want to help me overcome my shortcomings. You can be my guide, my best teacher.”

Did you baby? Did you too choose me because you see the potential in me? Did you not know about my shortcomings, my quick temper, my lack of success? Were you not shown footages of me going crazy at your older brothers? Now that you are in my tummy and can hear all sorts of shenanigans I talk about with / shout at your older brothers, are you scared? Do you have a change of mind? I bet you did.

I am not a perfect mommy, kiddo. I am nowhere there. I ain’t that successful or rich or pretty too. At least not yet. But I guess you could say I have an OK heart. And that’s important. More than anything, I want you and your older brothers to have a good heart and strong, unshakable personality. You can learn most of the latter bit, together with wisdom and street smart from your father. He’s awesome. He doesn’t like whiny kids and never change your brothers’ diapers LOL but I don’t mind it at all. He’s a great dad and you’re gonna love him.

Oh are you scared of your big brother Hadi? Yea he likes to shout a lot at home but he’s actually a great kid. He dotes on Noah and Saif in his own special way. I am counting on your big brother here to protect all of you younger cubs, and I know he will, because your parents will not be here forever. I hope you will grow up learning to love and care for Noah the way I do. He will need you, he will need all of us to be his anchor. He is one of our paths to Jannah, always remember that. I know you will be such best friends with Saif because he’s just so much fun to be around. Are you excited to meet your big brothers? I bet you do.

We are excited to meet you too, Baby in my Tummy. Thank you for looking past all my issues and far from perfect self and choosing me to be your mommy. Looking forward to it. But for now, stay put, grow healthily and have fun kicking me from the inside.

Lots of love; Your Imperfect Momma.

Elif Shafak, Black Milk.

Mini harem.

"Perhaps all women live with a mini harem inside and the discrepancy, tension and hard-achieved harmony 
among our conflicting selves is what really makes us ourselves." 

I bought this book in a quaint little shop in Taksim, Istanbul selling old books, old maps and antiques, and books by local authors. The scent of the shop is intoxicating but that's another story. 

This is not the kind of book you can read in one go. It is still a work in progress for me but I do enjoy her writing. Elif Shafak was once one of those feminists; hugely independent and never in her adult life has imagined herself as a mother. Then she fell in love and got pregnant. I looooove how she explores the raw emotion of a new mother. Of how a kid would change your life, your freedom and ambition. How can you write when there's a little person who depends on you, needing and whining and clinging on to you? How do you go back to the carefree, smart woman you once were? 

You won't, I guess. You will grow. You will grow to be better, you will gain maturity and new strength. You will be happier, or maybe not, depending on your own action and reaction. But you will never be the same woman you were once before. 

I love how she questions the way society treats women & there is a story she told of a very talented poet, who could almost be as good as Rumi but one day, she got her period and boom, she became "just a lady". And a lady should not have an ambition, she should stay low and wait for someone to ask for her hand in marriage and be a child bearer. So this forgotten poet got married, had kids and her poems and poetry simply withered away. It is heart breaking, really. 

I also love how Elif wrote about Anais Nin and her infamous maids that Anais writes a lot about. How the maids were the reason Anais ever had the time she had to write and be succesful. But did the maids themselves have no other ambition and dreams? Could they have become famous and succesful too if they were given the chance? 

I am thankful for my helper as she is the reason I get to sometimes play lawyer, do my craft, go on dates with my husband and have a life outside of being a mommy. I used to have no such help and trust me when I say having a good, reliable helper will drastically change your life in a very good way. But I do wonder if Yun would prefer being a rich man's wife or a singer (she sings a lot) or maybe a lawyer herself (she was a cigarette factory worker before). Of course she would! But our mission in life is to be the best version of ourselves, to make the world around us a better place. She becoming a good helper gives meaning and assistance to our family and in return, we help to provide for her daughters' education and thus, better future. 

How wonderful are the mini harems with all its different mini voices inside us.

Trophy wife.

If you have yet to read Siti Hasmah's biography, My Name Is Hasmah, I suggest you pick it up the next chance you get. I have so much love for this book. I urge you to give it a read, you will not be disappointed, I promise. I love her even more so after reading this, if that's possible. 

It helps that the memoir was a light, easy read. In the chapter where she talks about Tun Mahathir, I like that she said, "the key to a good husband and wife relationship is love and fresh air." Her love, respect and dedication to Tun M is apparent even after 61 years of marriage. 

We may not all be a Prime Minister's wife. Her path is surely much different, broader with more challenges along the way, but this memoir is very relatable to us wife / mothers; of daily struggles to juggle career and family, devotion and loyalty to husband and kids, and staying true to ourselves while we're at that. 

An inspiration like no other, an amazing role model for us women.